rediscovered a song
recently i can’t function without music. and last night it was even worse — literally when trying to sleep, it stayed on. silence was too deafening for me. only then i could fall asleep.
…and then i was awoken today by this song. at 5 am, no alarm, no nothing.
blurry by puddle of mudd.
it was a song that i used to listen to in my ipod shuffle. and even back then, it was already on repeat.
listening to it again feels like a whiplash. it feels like being thrown back to my childhood and adolescence, with all the feelings that surrounded me back then.
i cried, mourned, grieved; for my childhood; for what i longed for so desperately yet couldn’t have back then.
and it feels so vivid too, since i associate memories, moments, even people with certain music that’d instantly remind me of them.
for me, a song can be a vial — a medium — that eternally carries those memories, moments, and people. so whenever it happens, it’s like my life is being thrown off balance; the centre of my gravity is tipped just the slightest bit… but it’s shifted nonetheless.
i don’t even know where i’m going with this writing, but the point is that i’ve been listening to this song on repeat, back-to-back, nonstop.
it’s like i’m making up for the lost time. with the song? with my childhood? perhaps it’s both.
